hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
