Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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