Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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