You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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