On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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