i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
