It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
