Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
