five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
