There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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