I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
