sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
