I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
