my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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