Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
