Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
