You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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