i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
