I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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