I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
