therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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