do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
