He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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