Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
