my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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