I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
