so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
