I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This house was built for laser tag.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
