I'm lost and stupid without you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
