I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
