I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
