ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
