I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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