Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
