i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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