ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
