She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
