Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
