I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
