There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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