I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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