will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
