i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
