Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
