id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize