You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
