were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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