She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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