I must be too annoying 4 u.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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