I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
