wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
