i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize