i would punch a child for taco bell
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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