but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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