i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex