I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.