I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death