Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
