i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.