You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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