He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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