I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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