Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
