question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
