Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't special order awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
