There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
