his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize