So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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