Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Welp...herpes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
