I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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