Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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