and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
