Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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