I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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