The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently you make a good broom.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
