Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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