How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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